Monday, January 23, 2017

The Dirty 30

I'm 30 years old.  What the hell?  When did I get old enough to be 30?  I'm definitely 30 going on 13, more than 30 going on 31.  I've jokingly called myself grandpa and the old man for a while, but 30?  Really?  When did that happen.  It feels like just yesterday I was so happy to leave high school behind and start college, and then leave college for life as an adult, but now I'm 30 wondering how I even made it here.  There were certainly times in my early and mid 20's where I didn't think I'd make it to 30.  While that's funny to think about now, after emerging from those dark moments I decided that I was going to live life my way.  If my time on this earth comes up short, I want to be remembered for living life hard.  While that has often been a danger to myself, difficult for my friends and family, and stressful at times, so far it's been worth it.  While I'm not short on regrets, I have the hand I've been dealt and must play it.  While I grow little by little each year, I strive to still maintain my personal integrity to do things my way, no matter how hard it may get.

For years I joked that I would finally have to grow up when I turned 30.  Well with 30 finally here, I'm happy to admit I just got some Star Wars lego's for Christmas and growing up may have to wait till 40.  I'm the old guy in my group of friends, but as 30 comes I feel that I finally have to embrace that role.  Its the next step in the evolution of BHudg.
So often you get asked the question "Where do you see yourself in x number of years" while in college and in your mid 20's.  Looking back 5 and 10 years ago, I couldn't have possibly predicted this life.  It's taken so many unpredictable turns,  I'd put any world class roller coaster to shame.  30 is shaping up to be the best year of my life so far.  So much has changed over the last few years and I'm finally in a place where I have found some peace in my life.  The biggest part of that is being able to pour all of my energy into the things that I care so much about.  I no longer have the weight and stress of a daily job takes away much needed energy for my passions, but that also creates a new stress for making sure I have enough money for rent and food.   I've traded one stress for another.  A lot of people would look at this as a giant risk, but I hate that word.  This move was calculated.  To me calling a move like this a risk dis-empowers you.  Forcing myself to get rid of a safety net, made me realize that I wasn't fully trusting myself and I needed to empower myself and take back control, or I was never going to get where I wanted.  It's been a new stress that I've taken on, but I've relearned the art of the hustle, and it's been astonishingly invigorating.



I've been running now for 2/3 of my life.  I caught the running bug at 10 and now at 30 I'm as hooked as ever.  Despite all the miles, races, wins, loses, and accolades, I still feel a burning desire to get better.  From 28 to now 30 I am just now becoming the athlete I dreamed about as a 13 year old kid.  Nothing is more gratifying and terrifying than realizing your dreams.  There was even a time after the Olympic Trials this summer where I thought, what now?  I was scared that I may have finally run out of mojo accomplishing such a big goal on my bucket list.  But after a few months of turmoil and thought, I realized I'm not done.  I'm back in 15 or 19 year old Brandon who has just come onto the scene and looking forward to the journey of working my way up the ladder.  That top peg is of course a birth on the 2020 Olympic Team.  But till then I have a lot of running and growing to do as an athlete and a person.  I look forward to the challenges ahead, but even more important now than my personal journey is the journey of #TeamBrandon and my Victory Over Vasculitis Campaign.  It's our goal as a campaign and group to inspire each other, lean on each other, to live healthy together, chase ours dreams by holding each other accountable.

So cheers to growing up one small step at a time, but keeping that youthful energy to fight for our dreams!  More exciting BHudg news coming soon!  Stay tuned.

All Hope is Gone,
BHudg


PS - I'd like to welcome Skechers Performance to #TeamBrandon.  For 2017 they will be my apparel and shoe provider.  I plan on being their 3rd best decision (behind Meb Keflezighi and Kara Goucher) in entering the ranks of Elite Distance running!