As big of an asshole as I can be at times, I've remembered I like to entertain people. There are days where I think I might have missed my calling as a musician on stage. But regardless of that, I have always enjoyed being the loud offensive guy in the room. It's just who I am. In fact so many of my friends over the years have referred to me as the most publicly offensive person they know. My loud mouth seems to find the nearest small child or elderly couple when I am shouting something obscene. It never fails. Being loud and obnoxious has been known to get me into some trouble over the years, but luckily I never got beat up too bad or bit off more than I could chew (which still surprises me to this day). I am more thankful for my friends that pulled me out or bailed me out by stepping in as I get older. A lot of these incidents have been on my mind lately for some reason. I think that as my body adjust to all the crazy anti anxiety drugs I slowly find parts of myself that have been missing or been dormant. So in that light I encourage everyone to be who they are, don't try to be anything else!
We all have our own identities. They can even change amongst different groups of people or different groups of friends. Each group has it's own delicate dynamic that each person fills, but this shouldn't ever prevent you from being you! Your personality might clash with others at times, but that's one of the things that I have learned growing up, some people just aren't gonna get along no matter what the situation. So you mind as well be you and be happier!
Social media and the internet has made it increasingly easier for people to truly express themselves (for good or bad). Which makes it increasingly harder for people to carve out their own identity. At times it seems as if every personality has been taken already. But we are all our own unique set of chemicals that can interact with the world in a unique way so be patient and find your way. With all the information and technology at our finger tips use your skills and personality to present yourself to the world and show your beautiful story.
I have recently found my loud, obnoxious self again and I couldn't be more excited. He was the guy that had a chip on his shoulder, the guy that backed down from no one, the guy that called people out, the guy that got in people's faces, and last but not least the guy that would say about anything to get a weird awkward laugh from people! At the end of the day this is all for my entertainment and for those around me. I love making people think, and I love making people laugh. I will go to any length to get under someone's skin and make them really question something they think is true. I also have no problem making and absolute ass out of myself to make others around me laugh. I miss laughing. It's something that has been missing in my life a lot recently and something that I need to work to spread. Laughing and excitement can give people a reason to laugh and give people a reason to care.
That's what I strive for in my own running career. Regardless of what races I ever win or lose I want to put on a show again. I miss being at the front of races making them interesting and entertaining people in the stands. I am excited to be back in some races where I will have the chance to be an entertainer and be me again! Our sport of track and field is slowly dying and it needs characters that aren't boring and aren't afraid to stir the pot. If more athletes made more noise and stood for something other than "hardwork" or "talent" then the sport might stand a chance at making a few more people care. Find your cause, find your story and tell it in whatever your form of expression! Inspire the next generation and this sport may stand a chance.... But you can't do it holed up in the woods 10 months a year and out of the "public eye" (message board, internet, social media...etc)
We all have shitty rough times in our lives that change us in certain ways forever, but we don't need to forget about all the different things that we have been during our lives. Those identities help create who your are, so don't leave them all behind. If you have found yourself unhappy and in a funk try to remember those times that you had when everything just flowed and you didn't have to think. Those are the times you need to strive to recreate and be yourself totally lost in the moment!
"All hope is gone"